


a couple of cards

by Lemning



Category: Underfell-fandom, Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underfell, F/M, M/M, Probably slow romance, Reader is a cop, Sarcastic Humor, gender neutral reader, not too much language, there's cursing though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-05-09 22:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14725136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lemning/pseuds/Lemning
Summary: A witty cop and an impatient and edgy skeleton. Quite an interesting duo. A romance blossoming between these two is seemingly unlikely, but not necessarily impossible.





	1. totally not the start of a romantic comedy

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't think of a good title or summary.

“No, you cannot threaten small children in this neighborhood- or anywhere else, for that matter,” you said flatly

“They were vandalizing my property!” The towering skeleton argued.

“It’s _halloween_ , they were walking up to your door to ask for _candy_ \- Papyrus, how many times do I have to tell you and your brother this? You cannot threaten anyone, whether they be human or monster!”

“I wasn’t _threatening_ them, I was…”

“You said, and I quote, ‘if you do not leave within the next ten seconds then I will tear your limbs from your body, gauge out your eyes with a rusted spoon, _emasculate_ you, and decapitate you after I have torn your tongue from your throat to muffle your blood curdling screams.’ you then proceed to count down.” You read from your notepad, “You said this to children, all under the age of _ten…_ do you have something to say for yourself, Papyrus?”

“No, I do not! Those ‘children’ were weak-”

“They were _kids_.”

“-And they were on _my_ property!”

“You are missing the point! You told _children_ you would _dismember,_ and _emasculate_ them. This isn’t okay.” you awaited his reply but there was only silence, “You can’t keep doing things like this… I’m going on vacation next week and I know for a fact that other officers won't be quite as patient with you-”

“I have no need for your so called patience!” The egotistical skeleton snapped.

“I beg to differ.” You closed your notebook and looked Papyrus in the eyes, “You will publicly apologize to the parents, children, and families you had threatened.”

“I WILL DO NOTHING OF THE SORT!”

“Once again, I beg to differ.”

“AS A ROYAL KNIGHT AND SECOND COMMAND IN THE ROYAL GUARD, I REFUSE TO HUMILIATE MYSELF BEFORE HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE!” he slammed his fists against your desk. You nonchalantly took a sip of your coffee.

“Lower your volume, Papyrus,” you said simply, “and yes- you will. You will publicly apologize for your actions!”

“No,” he said firmly.

“Yes,” you stared into his pinpricks with the same severity on your face as his.

“I refuse-”

“Papyrus, sit back down,” you said as you stood, taking the bag propped up against the wall in hand. You removed the contents and laid it out before the edgy skeleton.

“I am not a child.” he said, staring at the pack of markers and the poster board.

“I know,” You pulled out a some twine.

“What is this for?”

“You’re making an apology sign.”

“I am _not_ doing that.”

“You don’t have a choice. _You_ are going to make an apology sign.” You pushed the box of markers in Papyrus’ direction. He gritted his teeth and his face twisted into a grimace as he pulled a red marker from the box, slamming it against the poster board, proceeding to snap the marker in half.

“What should I write?!” He growled.

You smiled, “something along the lines of, ‘I deeply apologize to everyone for my actions.’ You could elaborate upon that if you wish, but just so long the apology is there.”

“Fine,” he snapped and pulled a new, black marker from the box, hastily writing. He made no effort to make it look presentable, his handwriting only glorified scribbles.

You took a sip of your coffee and watched the angered skeleton. He had not once broken eye contact with you as if to express his hatred for you, you couldn’t say that you felt any different.

A bit of backstory on your situation: you were an officer at the EPD and were ‘promoted.’Now your job was to watch this guy; “THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE, ROYAL KNIGHT, PAPYRUS.” Why you may ask? Well, because he was a public nuisance. Many of your coworkers referred to him, “a pain in the ass.” You superiors called him a “disturber of the peace.” Obviously his troublemaking had to end, so after about a month of negotiating the mater, the king finally agreed that the police could have their way with him, so long as he could perform his duties in the royal guard. No other officer had the patience, nor the balls to deal with Papyrus, SO the commissioner chose you! You weren’t necessarily a probation or parole officer… it was more along the lines of a glorified babysitter.

While Papyrus was busy with arts and crafts, you took the opportunity to flip through your notebook. Shoplifting, assault, straight up theft, this guy’s done it all, and you’ve been lucky enough to deal with his ass. Fun times.

“You done yet?” You looked up to see Papyrus still glaring at you. There was no response. You looked over what he wrote (it was all capitalized), ‘I APOLOGIZE TO EVERY _WEAK_ CITIZEN-’ yep, ‘-WHO HAS WRONGED ME! AND I, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS, PITY YOU!’

“Good enough,” you sighed after reading it over.

“What do you mean ‘good enough’?! Everything I do is far beyond perfect!” He spoke up.

“But of course,” you humored him, grabbing the spool of twine. You tied the twine to the sign and handed it to him, “you ready to go?”

“I am _not_ wearing this!” he pushed it away.

“Dare I even say? I beg to differ.”

 

“So, where to, bone daddy?” You asked after the two of you stepped out of the EPD.

“ _Don’t call me that,_ ” he hissed.

“Hey, I’m just trying to get creative, lighten the mood a little- you know?” You shrugged.

“You’re pathetic,” he said harshly, his words soon followed by his signature glare.

“We’re starting today off on a good note, aren’t we mister edgelord?” you asked, eyeing the sign that hung around his neck fondly, “Come on, let’s go.” You gestured for him to follow you.

“YOU WILL HAVE TO DRAG ME BY MY HANDS AND FEET TO GET ME TO MOVE!” He yelled.

“Gotcha.” You said, stepping up to him, “Come on.” You picked him up-

“GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME, YOU DIRTY HUMAN!”

“Sorry, I couldn’t hear you just then, maybe you could say that a little bit louder?”

“I SAID, UNHAND ME!”

“Fine,” you muttered, dropping the skeleton on the ground, “Now, let’s get going.”

“I refu-”

“Get your stubborn ass off the ground and take responsibility for your actions like a man. You’re bringing dishonor to your title as a knight.” Now you were speaking his language. He stood, straightening the sign, and took a step forward. You couldn’t help but congratulate yourself as you followed him close behind. He walked at a rather fast pace, and considering each step he took covered nearly a meter, you began to lightly jog in order to keep up with him.

There were no words exchanged between you and him, his anger was apparent, and your patience for his bullshit was dwindling. You chugged the rest of your coffee that was now only lukewarm and scored a two-pointer in the nearest garbage bin.

“Hell yeah.” You grinned, to which, Papyrus threw you a scowl. “awe, come on, lighten up, Paps!” You patted him on the back and he didn’t hesitate to push you away.

“Let’s just get this over with,” he sighed.

“Wonderful! I’m loving the attitude change!” You said and pulled a checklist from your back pocket. “We’ve got a long day ahead of us.”

“What?” he eyed the paper in your hands.

“I have to bring my other uniform to the dry cleaners, take care of my laundry- OH! I’m having company over in a couple days for dinner so I’ma have to pick up some groceries-”

“WHAT?!” he stopped dead in his tracks, “I AM NOT-”

“Yes you are,” You replied quickly, “If you hadn’t fucked up, I wouldn’t have been called in on my off day.”

Papyrus scoffed, “why are you _humans_ like this?! In the underground, it was kill or be killed- any monster that crossed another’s path would be dealt with accordingly.”

“Sorry to break it to you, but this ain’t the underground.” You rolled your head over to the jagged skeleton staring into his crimson pinpricks, your eyes met with the infuriated expression you knew only too well. “Also, I’ve got Undyne and the commissioner on speed-dial so there’s no getting out of this, bud.”

“HAHA! Human, it is pitiful that you hide behind others as if to intimidate me! You, are only a coward!” He laughed loudly, only drawing the attention from passersby to him.

“Interesting,” you couldn’t help but crack a smile.

“What do you mean, _human_?!”

“Your theory is interesting… perhaps I’m only disguising myself as such to lead you into a false understanding of my true power.”

“Perhaps, but by telling me this you may be leading me to believe that you are stronger than you actually are, but you are merely as weak as your fellow humans- OR you may be manipulating me into thinking that you _are_ weak and waiting until I lower my guard- only to strike!” His eyes glowed brightly and an evil grin found its way upon his face, “Your attempts are futile, human, I, the GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS, will NEVER lower my guard around the likes of you! AND, if you _do_ attempt an attack, you will suffer a fate far worse than death!” His face twisted painfully and looked to be what you could only describe as, the face of a madman.

“Wonderful!” You clasped your hands together, “Now, that aside, we have to stop by my place to pick up the laundry!” Wow, you sure knew how to piss him off. You noticed how his face morphed into yet another form of anger as you lead the way. One thing you had grown to learn about Papyrus was his large emotional range, he had many forms of anger.

While the two of you walked, you thought it would be a good time to make the most of your time and trigger a flashback scene to when you and a certain edgy skeleton first met. You remembered it very clearly, as that day had marked the blossoming of a beautiful fiend-ship. Get it? Cause it’s like friendship but- you know what? Nevermind.

 _You pulled up to the skeleton brothers’ house, parking your car and lowering your sunglasses._ this is the place? _You thought to yourself, staring at the strangely decorated house. Several signs reading “no trespassing” were scattered across the lawn. The windows of the house were hidden behind cast iron bars, each spiked at the end. There was barbed wire that surrounded the house’s exterior that served no use other than for decoration. There were menacing gargoyles near the roof of the house that looked to be the spawn of demons themselves and appeared awfully realistic. You weren’t easily unnerved, but the house itself was somewhat off putting._

_You opened your car door and walked up to their front gate, it was all cast iron and appeared just as deadly as the bars on the windows, but instead seemed to faintly resemble bones. You had to admit, that at least, was pretty cool. After entering through the gate, you heard loud barking from the left side of a yard, seeing a chained white dog. It didn’t chase after you though, it only barked… that was annoying._

_Still you pressed on, making your way to his front door. On your way, you noticed a rather strange garland hanging from the doorposts, it was of small chicken bones that you only hoped were fake, it was still pretty gross… especially considering that they were skeletons themselves._

_You grasped the iron door knocker and tapped it against the wood several times, awaiting a response. Sure enough, within seconds, the door swung open, revealing a short and stout skeleton dressed in a rather large and fluffy jacket and with a single golden tooth._

_“Hello, I’m (Y/n) from the EPD, you are mister Papyrus, correct?”_

_“what do ya want?” The skeleton grumbled._

_“I believe your superiors already spoke of this, I am the officer assigned to you and your brother.”_

_“SAN’S!” A voice called from inside, the skeleton before you jumping slightly, “WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?!”_

_“uh, some officer, boss.” The skeleton called back, beads of sweat… somehow forming on the surface of his skull._

_“What in the world are you talking about?!” You watched as the skeleton (Sans?) was pushed out of the way and the door slammed open to reveal a_ much _taller skeleton. He towered above you at about two meters, he was dressed in rather edgy clothing and his teeth sharp. His skull was cracked along his eye which only added to his intimidating appearance._

_“You Papyrus?” You asked the ridiculously tall skeleton._

_“Yes, that is I,” he said flatly, “What do you want?!”_

_You sighed repeating exactly what you had told Sans to Papyrus._

_“Tell me, officer, can you read?” he hissed once you finished._

_“My prescription is a little outdated, but for the most part, yes.”_

_“Then tell me… what about NO TRESPASSING do you_ not _understand?!” He rose his voice._

_You yawned, “Cool, so I’ve got a job to do, if you don’t mind, I’ll make myself at home here, and ask you two a few questions.”_

_“Actually, I do mind!” He snapped, obviously angered by you ignoring his previous remark._

_“So do you guys have any tea or coffee? I haven’t had my cup o’ joe this morning and it looks like we’ve got a skele-_ ton _of work ahead of us.” You walked past Papyrus and let yourself in, chuckling at your pun. Neither of the skeletons seemed to be amused._

_“I ORDER YOU TO REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE PREMISES!” Papyrus yelled._

_“Why?”_

_“DOES NO TRESPASSING MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?!”_

_“Okay- give me a sec, I’ve gotta make a quick call.” You quickly dialed a phone number without waiting for Papyrus’ response._

_“HUMAN! Leave,_ now- _”_

 _“Ah yes, is this Undyne?” This silenced Papyrus, in fact, his face seemed to pale just at the mention of her name. “Oh, no everything’s going just as planned, I just wanted to inform you that Papyrus is being_ very _cooperative and that there’s no need to stop by.” You paused, “thank you, goodbye.”_

_“Sorry about that,” You stuffed your cell phone back inside your pocket, “Anyway, where were we?”_

_“What… do you want to know,_ human _?” He spat as if ‘human’ was an insult. You smiled and clasped your hands, there was no need for him to know that that you didn’t_ really _call Undyne._

 

The flashback ended once something caught your eye.

“Oh look! Ice Scream!” You pointed to a cart at the street corner where an anthropomorphic rabbit was selling ice cream.

“Let us not get distracted, we still have many items yet to purchase.” he said, reading your grocery list.

You cracked a smile and raised your brow, “what happened to your ‘this is bullshit’ attitude?”

Papyrus sighed, “The sooner we get this done, the sooner this-” he gestured to his sign, “-will all be over.”

“I’m getting an Ice Scream.” you stated.   

“ _Must_ you be so childish?!”

“This is _supposed_ to be my off day, I’m not even getting paid for overtime, I’m buying an Ice Scream whether you like it or not, Paps.”

Either he didn’t like the nickname, or he wasn’t keen on how you were buying yourself ice cream while on the job, because he visibly flinched. And so, you made a leisurely walk to the ice cream man, being sure to take your time and enjoy the scenery. You watched out of the corner of your eye as Papyrus grew more and more impatient.

“You’re done, right?!” he asked you, eying the cherry flavored ice cream in your hands.

“Probably,” you shrugged.

“Is that it? You’re not going to make an insolent remark _as per usual_?”

“I couldn’t think of a smart comment that fit.”

“Fine,” he growled in reply.

“What are you disappointed?”

“No,” he said without hesitation.

You cracked a smile, “wow, you sure are a joy to spend half the day with,” you couldn’t help but comment.

He turned to you, fuming in anger, and uttered, “I hate you.”

“Awe,” you rested your hand over your heart, “I hate you too!”

Wouldn’t it be ironic if this was the start to a romantic comedy? You smiled to yourself, that would never happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a thing!  
> Uh, so this is kinda something I plan on writing on the side of my main stuff so I might not be updating too often. But still! I gotta love me some tsundere-edgy skellies so there's no way in hell I'm not going to continue this.  
> Let me know what you think, any kind of feedback help and I would very much appreciate it. (because I am very lonely and strive to know that there are people that actually read my shit)  
> Thanks!


	2. Wasting time. (1/2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you look up, you'll see a tag that reads, "not too much language." Welp... I thought I could stay true to that tag, but it's only the second chapter and I have dropped more F-bombs than I can count. So, quick warning, there's a bit of cussing in this chapter. Hehe, fun times.   
> Anyway, without further ado, here's the chapter!

You stared at the tall mahogany door. How long had it been? Thirty minutes, and neither Sans nor Papyrus had answered. You smiled widely as if to mask the fact that you could no longer feel your feet. You knocked on the door for what seemed like the hundredth time. 

You checked your watch and two more minutes had passed. This wasn’t a total waste of your morning. Not at  _ all _ . Nope, no siree, not a waste of your time! 

_ let’s just take a moment to reconsider your life choices, like accepting this job, and studying criminology for five years. You could’ve taken a different career path. You could’ve been a teacher, maybe a doctor. You could’ve listened to your father when he said, “Y/n, don’t move to the fuckin’ city-” _

The door knob began to turn. You cleared your throat and threw on your best ‘i hate this’ smile. The door had fully opened, revealing san-

“god… you haven’t left yet?”

“Where the hell is your goddamn brother?” 

“dunno,” he shrugged. 

“Come the fuck on…” you muttered, “I  _ don’t  _ wanna deal with this shit today.”

“what’s the matter officer? you got a bone to pick with someone?” he joked. 

“Sans, where is your brother?” You put a great deal of emphasis on every word. 

“dunno-”

“Sans! I don’t feel like dealing with your bullshit today, I already have to deal with Papyrus!” You interrupted him, “you know where he is.” 

He took a second to think, “nope, i have no idea whatsoever.” 

“Goddammit,” you yelled, pushing past Sans and stepping inside. 

“what’s the matter, officer?” Sans asked nonchalantly, as if this was an everyday occurence (it was.)

“He was supposed to be in my office an hour ago,” you answered, marching upstairs. 

“what’d boss do this time?” 

“Unprovoked hostility towards A FUCKING STORE CLERK!” You yelled outside of Papyrus’ office door. You grabbed the door knob only to find it was locked. Normally you’d like to consider yourself a patient person, however, in this case… “OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR YOU CUN-” 

“heh, officer ya know boss ain’t here,” Sans chuckled. 

“Oh really?” You froze and turned back to the short skeleton, “I thought you didn’t know where your ‘boss’ was. Apparently you do? Please, do tell.” 

Sans replied with a shrug, “i value my life, thanks.” 

“Would twenty bucks change your mind?” You asked, holding out a single bill. 

“you givin’ me twenty bucks?” 

“Yeah.” as soon as you said that, sans took the bill and pocketed it, “so, where is he?” 

“i dunno.” 

“What the fuck?!”

“thanks for the cash,” he grinned widely, “oh and here’s a key so you don’t have to knock on the door for thrity fuckin’ minutes.” he tossed you the small silver key before disappearing. 

“Gee, thanks for the help!” You called out. Fun times. You sighed, you were now twenty dollars poor and absolutely no lead on Papyrus’ whereabouts. You glanced at the key before shoving it into your back pocket. You decided to make the best of your time, while you were there at least, and try to find something to help you discover where the edgy and ever so quiet skeleton, Papyrus, was. 

You hurried downstairs, the first thing you found was a theoretical physics book, you didn’t recall either of the brothers showing an interest in theoretical physics. Curiously, you opened the book only to find a joke book hidden inside. Inside the joke book was a physics book, inside the physics book was yet another joke book and-  _ nope _ . You closed the book and gently set it on the table. That was… strange. 

You carried on, moving to the kitchen, as there was not anything of further importance in the living room. You noticed a couple sticky notes on their refrigerator, the one on the top read, “SANS, YOU WILL EAT THE LUNCH I MADE FOR YOU OR SO HELP ME I’LL-” it continued on the next one, “-USE A SPEAR TO FORCE FEED YOU THE FOOD I PREPARED OUT OF THE KINDNESS OF MY HEART!.... -papyrus.” Papyrus wasn’t one to make empty threats; you could see him doing this. 

You sighed and ran your fingers through your hair, walking through the kitchen and into the garage. His car was gone.  _ cool _ . You pulled the silver key from your back pocket and walked to the front door. 

“I hate this job,” you said to yourself, looking back before closing and locking the door behind you. You stepped into your 2007 Prius, resting your forehead on the steering wheel. You and your silver Prius had been through a lot together, two major breakups, many drunken nights, and tracking down skeletons that love wasting your fucking time. You had no idea where Papyrus was. He could’ve been two cities away for all you know. You groaned and blindly reached for your notebook in the passenger’s seat. After searching for a few frustrating seconds, your fingertips finally brushed against the leather of your notebook, and you quickly grab it, pulling it into your lap. Keeping your eyes on the road, you glance down every few seconds as you flip between pages, looking for the specific one. You reached a stoplight and looked down, tracing your finger across the paper until you found an address. If he wasn’t at that address you had… twenty nine more to go… heh, fun times. 

You lightly accelerated keeping your eyes fixated on the road. You moved your hand to the radio, switching it to the dvd player. You enjoyed rather peaceful music, unlike Papyrus, who only seemed to listen to the edgy side of music (most specifically death metal). You weren’t too familiar with that sort of genre, however you were very fond and classical and jazz. You found yourself taking several deep breaths as if to calm yourself. Normally it took a lot more to piss you off. This was Papyrus we were talking about though, so it wasn’t too hard to lose your temper. 

He was supposed to be in your office over an hour ago… you had made several calls to Papyrus leaving multiple voicemails, each time with no response. 

You brushed this all aside and parked along the side of the road, stepping out of your silver car. 

“Dammit,” you muttered once your felt a cold drop of water land upon your forehead. Great, it was raining now. Such good timing. You hummed in annoyance and stretched a little before walking up to the fairly large house. The house itself was rather interesting, as it was in the shape of an actual fish head. You stepped up to the fish’s mouth- er the door in this case, and you pressed the doorbell, waiting for a response. 

“WHAT?!” The door opened rather violently, and as per usual, you didn’t even flinch. A tall fish-like woman towered over you and strangely enough, you found her slightly more intimidating that Papyrus. She wore her flaming red hair in a tight bun and an eyepatch covered her left scarred eye, and her sharply pointed and shining teeth seemed to complete the look. Well, she probably would’ve looked slightly more intimidating if she weren’t in… was that an anime graphic tee? 

“Is that mew mew kissy cutie?” You asked, pointing to the five cat magical girls. 

“What of it, punk?!” She grabbed your collar without hesitation. 

“Cool, cool. I’ve been trying to get into it, you have any suggestions where I should start? There are like… three seasons now?” You said with a straight face, you knew if you made a wrong move, this woman would straight up murder you. 

The fish lady looked you over before letting go of your collar rather forcefully, “Start with season one, you won’t understand shit about the plot before you watch it. Then season three, season three’s a prequel and it’ll make the second season’s plot more interesting to follow.” wow, she gave you actual advice regarding the anime. 

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” you said, rubbing your neck. 

“So,” she growled, “is that it?!” 

“Ah- no,” you replied immediately, “Do you know where Papyrus is?” 

“Papyrus…” she echoed, confusion slowly morphed into anger once she said, “What the hell did  _ he _ do?!” 

“Unprovoked violence,” you said in a monotone voice. 

“And what’s wrong with that? The law is kill or be kill-” she froze and looked you in the eyes, “right…” 

“He didn’t show up at my office earlier and I-”

“I don’t know where he is,  _ human _ .” she cut you off, with the same implication upon the word human, as many other monsters had made. 

“Alright, thanks for your time- I’ll be on my way then. It was a pleasure meeting you!” You waved, turning to your car. One down, twenty nine more to go. 

You let out a faint sigh, fixing a smile on your face before hopping into your car. On to the next stop! 

Twenty minutes passed and you soon found yourself here: 

“It’s nice to see you, somewhat refreshing even,” you said from behind the ridiculously tall skeleton causing him to flinch slightly. You leaned over to see what Papyrus was making… was that some sort of trap? You glanced up to enormous castle, then back to the skelly, “So, how’s it goin’, Paps?” 

“Poorly,” he snapped. 

You hummed cheekily in response, “but I thought you did everything in perfection.” 

He turned to you a scowled, “I do.” 

“Oh?” 

“Will you leave?!” 

“Getting right to the point then, aren’t we?” you asked with a smirk, Papyrus only frowned. “The answer is no, by the way.” 

“Why are you even here,  _ human _ ?!” there it was again, using ‘human’ as an insult. 

“Does eight forty five in my office ring a bell?” You asked. 

He scanned your face, “I’m busy.” 

“You sure are pleasant today, aren’t you?” 

There was no response and Papyrus only continued working on his ‘trap’. 

You then spoke again, “I tried calling you, I stopped by your house, stopped by Undyne’s-” He flinched slightly, “-Because you attacked an  _ innocent _ human being! Do you have any idea what you’ve done? This will be all over the news, Papyrus! Everyone will be talking about it and humans will fear monsters even more! If anything you’ve just made yourself an outcas-” 

“My god, will you just  _ shut up _ ?!” He growled, “I have a job to do.” 

You stared into his crimson eyelights for a couple seconds before raising your brow, “fine.” You muttered much to Papyrus’ surprise, “Finish up, I want to make this quick.” 

“Oh really? What’s your hurry,  _ human _ ?” 

“That’s for me to know and you to find out,” You said, leaning against the stone wall. You reached into the paper bag in your hands and pulled out a sandwich you had picked up on the way to the… well, the big ass castle. 

You savored each bite, yet your meal was interrupted by Papyrus, “where’d you get that?” 

“Well you’re certainly quite the chatterbox today,” you mumbled. 

“What else do you expect me to do?! You’re standing there like an idiot!” He raised his voice. 

“You could just ignore me,” you said rather bitterly, and silence was his only response. You then sighed,  “Well, if you  _ must _ know, I picked it up at that one bar your brother seems to spend half his day in. You know, the one with the  _ hot  _ bartender?” You congratulated yourself on your ever so casual pun. 

“I cannot believe someone like you would find someone like  _ him _ attractive,” he scoffed. 

You grinned, “Oh? And what do  _ you  _ think I’d find attractive?” 

“Someone with honor and chivalry yet extraordinarily powerful!” His volume rose, “Someone with a great sense of fashion and with handsomely charming features! It must also be someone beyond perfection!” He added. 

You turned to Papyrus… was he…? You looked him over, “too bad no one like that exists.” 

“Were you just, as you humans call it, ‘checking me out’?!” 

“No, I was just trying to figure out why the hell this matters so much to you,” you deadpanned. “Besides, I’m more interested in a man that can cook.”

“Have you even  _ tried _ my cooking?” 

“I don’t see why this has any relevance to the conversation, but I imagine it would be mediocre at best.” 

“ _ MY _ COOKING IS SIMPLY THE BEST!” 

“Papyrus, what exactly are you trying to do right now?” You asked, genuinely confused, “Cause I don’t know what this is leading up to.” 

his face flashes red before he states, “I am only telling you that there are more… more suitable men out there and you shouldn’t chase after those sorts of people!” 

Wow, he was genuinely concerned about you. You weren’t sure how you should’ve felt. You were certainly surprised. 

You frowned slightly, “It was a pun, Papyrus. I said the bartender was  _ hot _ because he’s a fire monster. It was a only joke. There is also no need to concern yourself over my personal life.” You said a little too coldly. 

“I wasn’t concerned over the likes of you!” He snapped back quickly. You regretted what you said somewhat, but it was too late to turn back now. 

“Good,” you had said this and you both fell silent. You returned to your sandwich and he to his medieval torture device, and the two of you hadn’t spoken a single word to each other. The tense atmosphere was palpable and your bitter choice of words seemed to linger in the air. 

This situation gave your mind the perfect opportunity to panic. Was that a poor choice of words? Did you just ruin a friendship in the making- wait- why would you even want to be friends with Papyrus? Did Papyrus want to be friends with you? He didn’t really hang out with anyone in his free time other than Undyne, whom he seemed to fear if anything. That would explain part of his behavior. Maybe he was just confused and wanted to make friends? Or maybe you were overthinking this, and Papyrus really was the emotionless rock you know and love.

Nope, you certainly were overthinking this. 

“You almost done?” you asked him, breaking the silence. 

“ _ Perfection _ takes time.” 

“Really?” You smirked and looked over his shoulder, “I’d say your arts and crafts project looks fine.” 

“it’s a  _ trap _ ,” he turned to you. 

“Really? I couldn’t tell.” 

“Would you like to test it out?!” he snapped. 

You examined the layout of nets and tripwires quickly before grinning widely, “sure.” 

“What?!-” He stuttered then cleared his throat, “HUMAN, YOU ARE FOOLISH TO BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL ESCAPE THIS ALIVE!” 

“cool cool. So, where do I stand?”  

“Right on the ‘X,’” he pointed to a red x on the ground, about a meter away from where you stood. 

“Okay. You gonna keep this here? Cause if I were a human walking by I’d probably just avoid that-”

“No! That would be foolish, I, the GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS, would never overlook such a mistake!” he said rather loudly. 

“But of course,” You humored him, taking a rather large step onto the big red x.

“W-wait! You can’t be  _ that _ fool-” 

“I don’t think this works, Paps.” 

“That’s not how it…” he echoed, “Give me a second.”

“Should I stay here?” 

“YES!” 

“Cool, I’ll be sure to do that,” You replied, watching as he tried to figure out what was wrong. You knew exactly what was wrong but debated against tellling him, as he was ‘the master’ or some shit like that. It took him about two minutes (yes, you counted) before you finally spoke up and said, “see those two wires near the wall? You forgot to connect them.”

His eye lights moved from you to the two wires, “I knew that, I was merely recalibrating the rest of the trap just to be certain that there was only one problem.” 

“Sure,” you chuckled. Not a moment later had a large long swung in your direction. You raised a brow and quickly took a couple steps back, letting it pass, “cool beans.” 

“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say?” 

“Yeah…” You paused for a second, “do you need help recalibrating your trap?” 

“No,” he replied almost immediately, snapping his fingers. You watched as the log flew away and the trap recalibrated itself. The hell? He could do that? You found yourself now staring at the mechanism that now glowed a faint shade of crimson. 

“Come on,” Papyrus snapped you out of your daze, “We have thirty seven more traps to recalibrate.” 

“What… do you mean?” You asked slowly. 

“I have to finish my job,  _ human _ .” 

“That’s not what we agreed on. We agreed that you finish making that trap and we move on, you were supposed to be in my office…” You checked your watch, “Four hours ago now.” 

“Do you not remember the deal?!” He rose his voice, “I must follow your law just so long as it doesn’t prevent me from performing my duties.” Shit… he had a point there. 

You paused for a second before saying, “Sounds like fun, let’s get started then!” 

You knew that the next couple hours would be a bitch… fun… 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part one of two! I wanted to separate this into two different chapters so it wouldn't be so damn long! (also, I really wanted to release something)   
> Thanks for reading this! I really do appreciate it!   
> Also real quick, I've got a Tumblr that you can check out for updates on this story and my other story, "The Author, The Reader, And Six Skeletons" and I also draw stuff! It's purplelemning.tumblr.com (I was too lazy to insert a link...)


	3. Everyday Adventures with the Great and Terrible Papyrus! (2/2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Father, please forgive me.

“What are you waiting for? Get in.” You said to Papyrus who who stood outside your car.

“There’s a line that I will not cross and that is to step inside your… dumpster of a car.” He frowned, staring at the floor littered with takeout bags.

“Oh- I can actually kinda justify that.” You began, “I had a few friends over the other day and we brought takeout to my place. After we finished, I was going to toss it into the garbage bin outside, but it was full so I decided that I’d just shove everything into my car and throw it out when I got to work… but I forgot.”

Papyrus let out a huff, “You are absolutely disgusting.”

“Hey now! That’s _rude_ , don’t try to tell me you’ve never done that before.”

“I have not, because _I_ have standards.”

You hummed in response, “just get in.”

there was no response, Papyrus only glared at the floor in disgust.

“Fine,” you said, grabbing the paper bags and tossing them into the back, “god, you’re like a pissy cat.”

Papyrus froze and threw you a glare before stepping into the car, “must you be so childish?” He then asked you as you started the vehicle.

“I don't know. _Must_ you be a little bitch?” You counterd, smirking at your comeback.

Papyrus glared at the road ahead as you hit the gas, crossing his arms tightly across his chest, “Maybe, if you weren’t such a smartass!” his voice rose.

“At least _I’m_ not an egotistical prick,” your cocky smile faded

“You _always_ know what to say, don’t you? You insolent _human_!” He spat.

“Oh- we’re name calling now? What are you, in fucking kindergarten?!”

“Look who’s talking!”

“Woah, sick burn. How long did that take to come up with?”

“Why you little-”

“You little what? Are you really gonna go back to name calling, Papyrus?”

“Unbelievable,” he scoffed.

“Unbelievable?” You echoed.

“You are so…” he clenched his fist tightly, searching for the right word, “Insufferable.”

You smirked slightly, “I do what I can.” And with that smart remark of yours, the two of you had fallen into a silence. This was shortly interrupted, however, by Papyrus’ rather loud sigh. You glanced over and noticed him massaging the bridge of his nose.

“Why are you like this today?” He asked after a few tense seconds passed.

“Paps, I’m like this everyday,” you replied bluntly.

He paused for a second, “No, you’re usually a little less pissy.”

“Why would anything be wrong? It’s not like you and your brother have been wasting my time all day.”

“And you were _bragging_ about your patience a few days ago. What’s the matter _human_?” He asked, you sensed a smile in his voice. You paused for a second. The tone of his voice seemed familiar, then it dawned on you, he sounded just like you. You weren’t sure you liked this… it sounded _just_ like something you’d say.

“Well, _excuse me_ if I’m a little pissed because OVER HALF OF THE DAY’S BEEN LOST!” You practically yelled. “AND, _THANKS TO YOU_ , MY BOSS SAYS I HAVE TO KEEP A ‘CLOSER EYE ON YOU’-” you made air quotations, “-WHICH MEANS I HAVE TO BABYSIT YOU NOT TWO- BUT FOUR TO SIX HOURS A DAY JUST TO MAKE SURE YOU STAY OUT OF TROUBLE!” Your volume had rose tremendously, leaving a certain skeleton speechless.

You gripped the steering so tightly that your knuckles had begun to whiten. You bit the inside of your cheek, your piercing eyes fixated on the road ahead. You furrowed your brows and only tightened your grip more. Papyrus had thrown you several surprised glances and you couldn’t blame him, you had never snapped like that before, at least not around him. For only a second you considered that you had been a little too harsh, but you only brushed this away. You were too mad to regret it. Needless to say, you were having a bad day.

After a while you began to cool down, you were mad over something trivial anyway. Besides, you still had daylight left and you didn’t have to spend an hour or so just to find the edgy skeleton. You drove into your neighborhood and you finally decided to speak. “I’m sorry…”  you uttered after what seemed like hours of unbearable silence, “for snapping, I took it a little too far.”

“Don’t apologize!” he snapped, “It’s a sign of weakness! Look at you, you’re pathetic.”

You hummed in response, “cool.” You pulled into your driveway, “we’re here now, so please, get the fuck out of my car.”

“I’ll be my pleasure,” he replied, glaring in disgust at the backseat before hopping out.

You huffed and pulled your keys from the ignition. You grabbed your notebook you had stashed inside the glove compartment and you stepped out of your (okay, somewhat trashed) car. You weren’t the cleanest person. You _did_ enjoy being clean and organized, but you didn’t really have the time for it… for somewhat obvious reasons now.

“Why are we _here_?!” Papyrus asked as soon as you stepped out of your Prius.

“Let’s go, skele-bro.” You said ever-so-casually.

“...just… stop.” He sighed and you grinned widely

“I’m still mad, by the way,” you informed him, unlocking the door.

“I do not see why this is relevant.”

“Don’t fuck with me,” you said, your tone dead serious. “I’m not in the mood for any more of your bitching around, and your ‘no, I refuse to live up to my actions like a responsible adult’ bullshit.” you imitated his voice.

“I do _not_ sound like that.”

You only hummed in response, opening the door.

“Y/n, you are _so_ immature.” He said, following you after you stepped inside.

“Woah! You’re calling me by _name_ now? I’m so honored,” You said rather passive aggressively, turning to your right into the kitchen, “have a seat, Papyrus.” You gestured to the bar stools lining the island.

He scoffed, making no further acknowledgement of your cheeky remark, and took a seat.

“SO!” You slammed your notebook on the table, expecting Papyrus to flinch, but he only stared you in the eyes.

“What?”

“You know why you are here today, correct?”

he cocked his brow.

“You straight up _attacked_ a store clerk. Explain yourself, Papyrus.”

Papyrus began fumbling through his back pocket and once he found what he was looking for, he slammed it onto the marble. There were two coupons for a grocery store called Bo’s Grocery. You recognized this as the store Papyrus’ victim had worked. You couldn’t help but think to yourself that this was in fact the least creative name for a grocery store. If this were a book, the author must’ve been out of ideas.

“What’s this?” You asked the skeleton.

“The _human_ said these were invalid and I could not use them!” he stood from his seat, “Does he not know who I am?!”

“I bet he does now, because he’s _hospitalized_.” You replied, staring dead into Papyrus’ eyes.

“That wasn’t my fault, he could’ve given me a discount.”

You glanced down to the coupons, “They’re expired.”

“Coupons don’t expire-”

“Yes, they do,” you replied firmly.

Papyrus pursed his lips- er- teeth(?) together and let out a deep sigh. “What the hell is it this time?” he grumbled.

You smiled widely and clasped your hands together, “I thought you’d never ask!” You stood and pulled an apron from the drawer alongside the island, tossing it to him, “we’re- rather, _you’re_ going to bake cookies for him as a ‘get well soon’ present!”

“Little do you know, I am an expert chef, making something as… petty as a cookie should be no difficult task for me, the Gre-”

“The great and terrible Papyrus, yeah yeah.” You interrupted him, tying a gray apron around your neck. “Now wear your adult bib and wash your hands so we can get started, mister _expert_ chef.”

Papyrus reluctantly threw the apron over his head and tied it around his waist. He stared at the text across his chest, “Drama Queen” He read out loud, looking over to you. “Why?”

“I was shopping for ingredients and saw that and thought you’d like it- you can keep the apron by the way.”

“I…” he furrowed his brow, “why would I _want_ this?” He asked.

“I’m glad you like it!” You grinned widely, “SO! I assume you know how to make cookies, being the expert chef that you are!”

“Of course!” He smirked, folding his arms tightly across his chest.

You hummed, pulling a cookbook from a cupboard, “I would expect nothing less…” You flipped through the cookbook, “I assume we won’t be needing this then?”

“Why would we?!” Papyrus laughed rather loudly.

“Cool. Do you need any help?” You asked him, taking a seat once again at the island.

“NO!”

“Are you sure? You don’t know where anything is.”

“HA! THAT IS ONLY A SIMPLE TASK FOR ONE AS SKILLED AS I!”

“Papyrus, please lower your volume.”

And so it had begun… what had appeared to be a battle to the death between Papyrus and your poor, unfortunate kitchen. You called it the hunger games. Wait- nope, that name was trademarked… The… top chef- nope, that was trademarked too. The great British bake off? No- you weren’t in Britain _or_ on a television show (also you were pretty sure that one was also trademarked). Okay, you knew what to call it. Hell’s kitchen with the great Papyrus. Heh.

You couldn’t help but cringe as you watched the skeleton gather ingredients, some of which you were positive did not belong _in_ cookies. Cumin, manchego cheese, straight up white vinegar, chili powder, tomatoes, and chickpeas, kale… nope nope nope nope nope nope. One thousand times, no.

You stood from your side and collected all the ingredients that were… out of place, “You can’t use these, Papyrus.”

“WHAT?!”

“I said, you can-”

“I heard you! Do you doubt my cooking skills?!”

“As a matter of fact, I do,” you replied, stowing the chili powder and vinegar in the cupboard.

“Like you could do any better!”

“As a matter of fact, I could.”

“Excuse me!”

 _What_? You threw your hands in the air exasperation, “Fine… do whatever the hell you want.” You crossed your arms and leaned on the side of the counter.

He narrowed his eyes and grabbed a glass bowl from one of the cupboards, this was when you grew nervous. He threw in a couple cups of flour and about a cup of salt. Yep. He added eggs… shell and all. When you commented on this he replied, “I will not allow anything to go to waste!”

“Papyrus- nobody eats…” you trailed off and sighed, “Cool. Go ahead.”

He grinned smugly and returned to his ‘cooking’. He took one sniff of vanila and poured in about half the bottle. He added baking soda… then when you had turned, he added a shit ton of vinegar. Sure enough the two of you had a third grade chemistry project on your hands. Boy, was Papyrus an amazing cook! It was like Top Chef all up in here. Sure he wasn’t adding sugar and it literally looked like an active volcano, but like he said, he was an _expert_! Woah. You had to take a breather. That was _way_ too much salt for anyone to handle… kinda like Papyrus’ cookies. OOOOOH! You smirked widely at your low-key roast.

“What are you doing?” Papyrus asked you.

“I’m roasting you mentally.”

“HAHA! Are you too cowardice to ‘roast’-” He used air quotations,”-me mentally! FACE ME! GIVE ME YOUR WORST! _I dare you_.”

You paused for a second, “nah. That shit’s gotten old a while ago, besides, it was funnier in my head.” You closed your eyes and smiled, knowing exactly what he’d say.

“Tell me!” yep.

“no thanks.”

“I order you to!”

“You’re not in charge of me,” You smirked.

“DAMMIT! Just tell me!” His face burned red out of anger and frustration.

“Woah, calm down!” You said, your smile growing wider and wider. “Fine… I’ll tell you.” You paused for dramatic effect. You then whispered, “I think your cooking sucks.”

“WHAT?!” His face burned brighter.

“Yeah. I think that it’s fucking disgusting.” You pushed yourself away from the counter and stared at the ingredient filled bowl. “Look at that, have you ever seen the food network?”

‘Yes.”

“Is cookie dough supposed to look like that?”

“Have you ever seen _me_ make cookies before?!”

“Can’t really unsee it.” you muttered under your breath.

“THIS IS HOW THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS BAKES SO HOW ABOUT YOU WATCH YOUR SMART MOUTH!”

“Fine. Fine. You told me to give you my worst though…” You took a step closer to him and reached up. You wrapped your fingers around his collar and pulled him closer, “you do know that was nothing, baby… I can do _way_ worse.”

Welp. You just said that. The entire situation you were in, your position, the tone of your voice… this scene honestly seemed somewhat povacative.

Before you could say anything else, make a sarcastic remark, or just leave, Papyrus rather forcefully said, “Let go of me.”

“Will do!” you said, removing your hand from his collar and brushing them off on your apron. That went well.

You wandered over to the island once again and found yourself a seat and Papyrus returned to his amazing cooking. You watched as the skeleton conjured a crimson bone. What? You weren’t too certain on how you felt about this… given the previous circumstances. Nope, that was just your crude mind at work. You brushed these thoughts away as you watched him stir with the magical… weapon? That was a weapon… definitely a weapon.

“You know I have whisks, right?” You asked, gesturing to the large container, holding all the proper cooking utensils.

“This is how I cook,” he replied simply, in a surprisingly quiet tone.

After that, the two of you had somehow made an unspoken truce. In fact, neither of you spoke at all really, so… It may have actually been the silent treatment, now that you thought about it. Through the silence though, you eventually come to the conclusion that skeletons don’t like to be touched. At least Papyrus didn’t.

You rested your chin on your hands, watching Papyrus ruin your kitchen. He made rather sloppy dollops of dough on the cookie sheet and pop it into the oven at 450 degrees. At least he cleaned up though and somehow the glass bowl he used wasn’t broken either.

Papyrus rested his hands on his hips, leaning against the counter, and stared rather intensely at the oven. Only five minutes passed and you already knew something was wrong.

“Papyrus, something’s wrong.” You said slowly.

“Nothing is wrong.”

“No… it’s not supposed to smell like that.” the scent reminded you almost of burnt plastic.

“Yes…” He began, scratching his chin, “the smell _should_ be much stronger…”

“I don’t think that’s the prob-”

“Yes, but I would have to return home to retrieve the proper ingredient…” he tapped his phalanges on the counter.

“wait-” you spoke again, but he only continued speaking.

“I believe the spices I have at home would do nicely.”

“Ah-nope.”

“-Of course most humans wouldn’t be able to handle the flavor-”

“PAPYRUS! THE FIRE ALARMS!”

 

* * *

 

“Just chose one… preferably not the one with neon sprinkles,” You muttered to the towering skeleton.

“I don’t see why we’re wasting money on these after I made perfect cookies-”

“Can it…”

You and Papyrus were both tired. To put things simply, your house hadn’t burnt down, but your kitchen had. Papyrus’ cookies were beyond inedible, and you still had to babysit this asshole for the rest of the day. You and the edgy skelly walked down the grocery store aisle (he had chosen chocolate macadamia nut), receiving several nervous glances from passersby. As if it wasn’t obvious enough, you were pissed that Papyrus burnt down your kitchen. And as if it wasn’t even more obvious, Papyrus was pissed because… well, because he was Papyrus.

“Th-that will be six thirty five,” the cashier squeaked.

“Fine,” Papyrus pulled a ten from his pocket. To you, Papyrus sounded normal, but to many other humans in the vicinity, he sounded about ready to rip the cashier’s head off…  still normal for Papyrus actually.

The two of you silently walked to your beat up Prius, eventually Papyrus spoke, henceforth breaking the silence.

“If somehow under impossible circumstances, your oven catching aflame was my fault… I would be sorry,” He spoke quietly as he stepped into the passenger’s seat.

“Is that supposed to be an apology?” You muttered, starting your car.

“Perhaps.”

“Well thank you then. I was planning on suing you by the way,” you said monotonously.

“WHAT?!”

“You fucking heard me. I’m going to sue you. You’re going to finance all repairs.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Papyrus muttered, running his phangles through his non-existent hair.

“Maybe I am,” you whispered, a smirk tugging at the edges of your mouth.

“Really?” He gasped.

“Yeah, I’m not going to make you finance it. I expect you to fix my kitchen. In the meantime, I’ll be using your kitchen.”

“Fine.” What? Really? He agreed to that? You were partly joking to see what his reaction would be but hell, this was fucking amazing. You were already planning on calling your brother over to fix everything, but a sexy skeleton fixing up your stove? The choice here was pretty obvious.

“So where are we going?” Papyrus asked after a short while, you took notice of how his voice was much quieter than usual. Was he feeling guilty?

You sighed, “we’re going to the hospital, idiot. I already told you this, didn’t I?” Papyrus ignored the calling him an idiot part which was strangely uncharacteristic of him. Damn, he really was guilty wasn’t he? You didn’t think the pile of bones was capable of that emotion.

“Very well,” he turned to look out his window. Quite the conversationalist, isn’t he? You glanced in his direction and he looked mildly depressed. That was it. Who was he and what did he do to Papyrus?

“Stop brooding, it’s annoying.”

Papyrus sat up straight, “I was doing nothing of the sort!”

“It sure looked like you were to me.”

“Oh reeaaaally? And why would I, the Great And Terrible Papyrus, be ‘brooding?!’” He rolled his R’s and posed slightly when saying his name.

 _Well, maybe the_ big, bad _skeleton expressed some form of remorse for his actions._ You thought but instead said, “Beats me.” Your words caused an abrupt end to the conversation.

When you two reached the hospital. Papyrus immediately reverted to his old ways, insisting there was no reason under any circumstance that Papyrus would apologize to a human. To which you told him to “suck it up and stop being a pussy.” This apparently sparked something inside Papyrus because his attitude made a complete 180 and he was “the bigger person” now, as he called it.

Later you dropped him off at his place (he hadn’t remembered that he left his convertible at his work), bid your goodbyes-

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck you too!”

-and you drove home to a trashed kitchen.

Yep… this felt like an everyday adventure with the Great and Terrible Papyrus.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: So, I haven't updated in a month. Fuck. I know, I know, I'm a lazy ass! ~3~ I know you guys love this lazy ass though- nope? You hate it? welp... okay then... T-T   
> Anyway, this story is a joy to write! I can't believe I put it on the back burner for so long! You may be wondering what I've been doing in my absence and my response is, absolutely nothing. Well, I've been knitting and drawing from time to time, but I haven't been doing anything to really write about. Sorry bout that, guys! Thank you for taking time out of your otherwise busy day to read my shit! I LOVE YOU!!!!!
> 
> -Lemmy~


	4. Bonus!!!

It had been two days since the “accident” and within those two days, life had somehow become more and more chaotic. On the first day you called Papyrus telling him you’d be using his stovetop to make yourself an omelet. This was the first mistake you made. The second mistake was to agree to Papyrus helping you to prepare your meals. Third mistake was consuming those meals he assisted you in creating. Your fourth mistake was staying at the bone-bros house all day!

Sans and Papyrus’ house was rather large in comparison to the houses surrounding it. It had three stories tall ceilings, and in general gave off the whole dracula’s castle vibe. The kitchen and lounge area was on the first floor, on the second floor were bedrooms and Papyrus’ office, and there was a dungeon. Who in the right mind had a dungeon. Out of boredom (Papyrus said the television was off limits and the only books they owned were somehow related to torture),  you later explored the dungeon.

You had been in their basement a couple times before, just to check that they didn’t keep any human corpses down there, but never had you really explored to this extent. As a dungeon would often have, there were several cells behind black iron bars. Strangely enough, those cells looked pretty comfortable. That was never a phrase you thought would cross your mind. But for real! They were furnished. There were three cells in total and each was fully furnished with a twin sized bed, a dresser, a rud, and there was even a vase of flowers on the nightstand. You couldn’t imagine Sans and Papyrus having a use for these now that they were out of the underground (that was a lie, you totally could), maybe they were guest rooms?

“Strange…” You heard yourself mumble as you carried on. Other than the strange cells, the basement was pretty empty, aside from the furnace at the far end of the room.

Throughout your time spent in their dungeon, you were half expecting Papyrus to walk downstairs and say something along the lines of, “You’re not supposed to be here, _human_.” or some shit like that. But he never did.

Sans however seemed to take matters into his own hands, he wasn’t too thrilled about a cop wandering around their house all day. You turned the doorknob to upstairs and froze.

“Dammit,” You muttered. locked. You dropped to your hands and knees and peaked under the door to see a pair of red sneakers. “Sans, you fucking dick. Open the door.” You yelled the stout skeleton’s name several times before playing the classic card of, “Papyrus would probably be mad if this door broke… wouldn’t he?” You sighed, “I guess it can’t be helped, I’m going to have to kick it down-”

“Oh hey officer,” Sans opened the door quickly. “I didn’t know you were down there, I was just taking a quick nap.” _yeah, right._

“Quick nap my ass,” you muttered walking past Sans. A toothy grin spread across Sans’ skull as he shrugged and stepped over to the couch.

“Boss is in his office by the way,” the lazy skeleton groaned, reaching for the television remote. This guy… whenever Papyrus, or ‘Boss’ as he called him, was around he was uptight, tense and deadly. On the contrary, whenever Papyrus was gone, he was just a lazy bag of dicks. He flipped on a soap opera, kicked off his shoes and tossed them into the corner of the room, and became one with the couch cushions.

You shook your head and ran your fingers through our hair. Time to go pester Papyrus.

“Hey Papy!” you smiled widely and sat on his desk. “Whatcha workin’ on?” This bubbly personality obviously caught to skeleton off guard, as he took his eyes off of his laptop and turned to you with a furrowed brow and narrowed eyes.

“It doesn’t concern you, _human_.” He grumbled in response, turning back to his work.

You sighed and swung your feet slightly, “that didn’t answer my question~”

Papyrus rolled his eyelights (like the moody teenage type he is), “If you must know, I am simply preparing my monthly report to King Asgore.”

“And you’re doing this on the computer? I always took you as the kind of guy to sit at his desk by candlelight with pen and ink, it fits the medieval vibe you’ve got going on here.”  You shrugged, “never thought I’d see an old man like you utilizing modern human technology.”

“ _Human,_ I am not old-” that’s right… he was actually a year younger than you “-and technology of the underground is far superior to your human garbage. This device was made by the royal scientist Alphys, and caters to my every need! With this contraption, I can view all security cameras not only in and outside my house, but also in and outside the king’s fort, and any human that dare trespass shall suffer a terrible fate!” He stood from his chair and grinned maniacally.

“That sounds like a normal computer to me. Alphys basically just connected your computer wirelessly to your security cameras… there’s nothing superior about that.”

“It has voice recognition!”

“So does my phone.”

“Does it have access to the Undernet?!”

“Yeah, there’s a browser extension Alphys created, practically every monster tolerating human downloaded it.” a lot of times humans went on the Undernet to share reasonable and civilized conversations with monsters in chat forums. It was actually a pretty good place to talk without the judgement a lot of monsters and humans threw at each other.

This was obviously news to Papyrus, “WHAT?! Since when?!”

“Probably for a year or so now? If you go on online forums you’ve probably talked with humans a couple of times. They don’t tend to stand out too much though, probably because of people like you calling humans swine and all that jazz.” Now that you thought about it, the Undernet community wasn’t too large, you probably even talked to Papyrus from time to time without even knowing it was him.

Papyrus seemed shocked.

“If you want, we could exchange Undernet usernames and chat online!” you heard yourself say.

“What?” Papyrus seemed taken aback then smiled. Like… actually smiled. “Sure! That’s be super cool!”

So, the two of you exchanged usernames, his being Skele-Knight (figures) and yours being [insert username here, I’m too lazy to come up with one for you]. It wasn’t until you had both exchanged usernames that you realized what was happening.

“Wait… Papyrus…” You muttered after you both registered each other as friends on the Undernet.

“What?” He snapped.

“Something isn’t right… aren’t we supposed to hate each other?” You asked, “I mean, the whole premise of this story is us hating each other… right?”

“DAMMIT! You’re right, _human!_ ” Papyrus shouted.

“Does this mean it’s over, Paps? Is this it?”

“I-I don’t know,” the skeleton looked rather nervous.

“Papyrus, I have a theory.” You began, “what if this chapter isn’t canon?”

“Isn’t canon? The hell’s that supposed to mean?!”

“What if, all of this isn’t real. What if it’s just dream or something like that.”

“So we’re both having the same dream? That’s highly illogical, _human_.”

“I know… this is like a nightmare if anything…”

“For once, I agree with you.”

“Okay, can we also agree that this chapter isn’t canon and was probably the author just fucking around?”

“Absolutely.”

…

“Hey, Y/n?” Papyrus began.

“Yeah?”

“We will never speak of this ever again.”

“Agreed.”

  
  


_~End of Bonus/Non-canon chapter~_

 

 

* * *

 

**_Extra Reader Trivia (I wasn't planning on putting this in, but Imma say, why the hell not)_ **

  * _Y/n is terrified of ghosts._

  * _Y/n has a brother who’s a mechanic!_

  * _A friend gave Y/n a broken down Prius and their brother fixed it up for them!_

  * _Y/n’s dad has a strong hatred and prejudice towards monsters_

  * _They love ice cream_

  * _I’d imagine Y/n to be Bi_

  * _In this story Y/n is 21, about a year older than Papyrus (Papyrus being 20)_

  * _They have a cat by the name of Buzz! (is orange striped)_

  * _Their dad is a retired officer, he taught them how to shoot a gun at the young age of seven!_

  * _Y/n’s dad is suuuuuuper protective._

  * _Y/n’s mom’s outie. she’s gone, kinda forever. She passed away when Y/n was in highschool_

  * _Y/n went through a rebellious phase that lasted a little too long (From late junior high to age 19)_

  * _Y/n’s a total geek,a huge Epic Star Battle and Ossan fan. (my substitution for Star War and Mario)_

  * _Y/n is gender neutral! ~3~_

  * _Y/n thinks that they’d be the more dominant person in a relationship._

  * _I’ve always pictured Y/n to be a bit on the taller side, usually wearing a white button down with rolled up sleeves, suspenders, and a simple and loose black tie. I’ve imagined them to have short black hair, medium skin, green eyes and a round-oval like face. I’ve thought for them to have a resting bitch face usually and a rather intimidating vibe (makes them and Papyrus look like a power couple about to kill a bitch)._




 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so erm... XD I was just fucking around. this was originally going to be a perfectly normal and canon chapter, but I kinda gave up on that halfway through. (you can probably tell) I was planning on just trashing this, BUT I figured that someone might enjoy this shit. So here ya go! All these notes and just me fucking around totaled to almost five pages so I guess that's cool! ALSO!!! Feedback is very much appreciated! Tell me what you liked, tell me what you didn't like! 
> 
> Thanks, -that one asshole who plays NSP music way too loud so all the neighborhood can hear


	5. Quite the Turn of Events (probably a two-parter)

You never knew it would be so fun to watch a skeleton bent over and sweating bullets. That… sounded wrong. Better wording, you never knew it would be so fun to watch a skeleton at work- nope. You know what? just… forget it. 

You stared at the tall skeleton as he used a simple dustpan and brush to clear away all the ash on your oven. Your brother just so happened to work as a mechanic and had always been pretty handy, you called him and asked if he could stay in the city for a couple nights, which he agreed to. Your brother wouldn’t show up until later that day, however, and you didn’t trust Papyrus to try to fix anything on his own, so you gave him a dustpan, brush, and a broom, and told him to get to work. If anything, Papyrus was good for manual labor. By his looks alone, it wasn’t a surprise that Papyrus was twice as strong as the average human. 

Sure, Papyrus said he would fix your entire kitchen, but let’s be real, were you really going to let him do that? You shivered at the thought of even more damage done to your poor kitchen. 

You sighed and rested your chin on the Island countertop. The counters themselves were made of quartz so they didn’t burn, but your wooden cupboards did. From last night, everything was covered in a thin layer of fire extinguisher powder. 

This… wasn’t how you imagined yourself to be spending your weekend. Of course, with Papyrus every day was an adventure, but you were hoping to spend your Sunday more along the lines of chilling at his house and watching the latest horror movie (even though Papyrus found most media a waste of time, horrors films gave him a good laugh… for some reason). 

Come to think of it, Papyrus kinda reminded you of slenderman; unreasonably tall, thin af, pale and always dressed in black? No, slenderman was way scarier, Papyrus was only intimidating… though you knew some would beg to differ. 

“Hey, Paps,” you called the skeleton’s hated nickname. 

“What?” he snapped. 

“What horror film antagonist do you think I look like?” 

Papyrus turned and stared you dead in the eye before saying, “Pennywise.” 

“Hey! That’s not nice, I do not look like a clown!” 

Papyrus’ teeth curved into a smirk and a single “heh” escaped his mouth. 

You threw your hands into the air dramatically and sighed, “Nevermind, what could I expect. Horror film antagonists aren’t typically easy on the eyes. If anything it’d be a compliment, the actor playing pennywise in the movie is pretty handsome.” 

“Whatever,” he muttered, turning back to the counter, and brushing ash into his little dustpan. 

It was at this point when you thought of yet another way to tick off your dear skeleton friend, “god, you’re such a tsundere,” you shook your head. 

“What did you just call me?” He growled, turning to you. 

“A tsundere?” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Just admit you love me, there’s no hiding it, you have fallen head over heels for-” a crimson bone flew past you, “... me.” Your lips curved into a smile. 

“I pity you, human. Unlike you, I will never succumb to such idiotic attempts!” 

“Attempts to what?” 

“Attempts to seduce me,” he hissed. You froze. Wait- he thought- “Your attempts are futile, however, human. I, The GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS, am a trained knight and refuse to fall victim to such amateur tactics.” 

“Seduce you, huh?” This had certainly taken a turn. “As if!” Your smile grew, “unless you want me to.” 

“No,” Papyrus responded quickly. 

“You suuuuure?~” 

“Positive.” 

“Aw~ look at you Papy, you’re totally a tsundere-”

“WHAT THE HELL IS A SOON-DERE?!” 

“It’s a-” you were interrupted by your phone’s ringtone. “one sec,” You muttered. You accepted the call and said, “Hello?” 

“HEY! Y/n! I just got into town!” 

“Oh! Hey Matti!” Matti, or Matthias, was your younger brother, that one you talked about being a mechanic earlier in the chapter. “You’re already in town?” 

“Yeah, I thought traffic would be worse but Ebott city’s actually not that bad.”

“Not many people from out of city tend to drive around here, and most monsters prefer walking from place to place.” 

“who is it,” Papyrus asked in a sharp whisper. 

‘it’s my brother,’ you mouthed and the skelly nodded. 

“Yeah! SO, when do you plan on getting here?”

“About that…” he began, “it’s what, twelve fifteen? Maybe we could meet for lunch!” 

“Yeah, totally, that’s a great idea!” 

“Oh- there’s a protest, this will take a while. I’ll call you back! You can go ahead and pick something out- I’m down with whatever,” Matti said. 

“Okay, I’ll see ya then!”

“Yeah, see ya, I really have to go- bye!” and he hung up. that was quick. 

“What was that?” Papyrus asked nonchalantly. 

You sighed and tucked your phone inside your back pocket, “we’re going out to eat for lunch, have any suggestions?” 

Papyrus fell silent for a second and you thought that he was ignoring you until he suggested, “Joan’s deli along Sapphire street, absurd names for both the restaurant and street, but the food there is fairly good by human standards.” Wow. That was actually pretty helpful. You hadn’t expected that at least coming from him. 

You agreed and helped Papyrus finish dusting before the two of you head out. The deli wasn’t that far away so the two of you agreed to walk (more accurately, Papyrus refused to ride in your car for the second time that day). On your way to Joan’s deli, the two of you would exchange small talk and every once in a while you would take initiative in the conversation. 

“So last night I was browsing the undernet and someone posted a story between a human and a nightstand. I couldn’t really tell if it was a troll or if this person had a nightstand kink or something… man the world is getting weirder and weirder every day.” you looked up to Papyrus, expecting him to reply, but his attention was elsewhere. You followed his gaze… ah, a protest. On the weekends, protests weren’t out of the ordinary, especially in Ebott. What were they protesting? Well, over the last few years, since the monsters escaped the underground, not many humans have tolerated the presence of said monsters. 

There were probably several protests throughout the city currently. Jeez, did these people have a life? Each week it was the same, “OUR CHILDREN AREN’T SAFE WITH THESE CREATURES ROAMING OUR STREETS!”, “SEND THE MONSTERS BACK UNDERGROUND,” and “CAN YOU IMAGINE A WORLD RULED BY MONSTERS?!” etc. The same bullshit. Seriously, did they expect to accomplish anything? Humans were too scared to face monsters anyway so there was no way in hell they were crawling back to the underground. 

The protests had become less violent over the years, but they were still fairly large. Papyrus and the news didn’t help though. Whenever he had a ‘fit’ as you called it, the news would get their hands all over, not only portraying Papyrus as a barbarian but labeling him as the mascot and the face of all monsters. After each of Papyrus’ violent outbreaks, the protests would become larger for a couple weeks, then return to a normal size. It was quite a comforting thought to know that you and Papyrus in a way, were part of the reason why there was such a crowd. If anything, this really put into perspective how much your job mattered. You had to ‘tame the beast,’ as your boss would say. 

While lost in thought, you hadn’t noticed that a certain skeleton of yours had wandered off. Shit, where is he? You asked yourself, scanning the general area around you. He was 6’3”, dressed like a teenager forever in their emo phase, and wearing high heels, he shouldn’t have been that hard to find. Boy were you wrong, you couldn’t spot that edgy skelly no matter how hard you looked. 

A sigh escaped your lips before you began speed-walking into the crowd of protesters. You began thinking of various scenarios as you searched for Papyrus. 

Best case scenario: nobody notices you, you find Papyrus, and he gets on his hands and knees, apologizing for wandering off without telling you like a five-year-old child. He then agrees to pay for your food for the rest of your life because he realizes how amazing you actually are. 

Worst case scenario: Someone from the crown recognizes you (this is highly likely), they get pissed at you failing to do your job properly and allowing Papyrus to hurt that one grocery store owner, someone pulls a gun on you and you experience a slow and painful death, while Papyrus gets dusted. 

Both scenarios are highly unlikely, but probable, and it was better to be prepared for anything than to run into a crowd of protesting humans blindly. 

Okay, where is he? You couldn’t call his name out, after all, every human in the vicinity knew the infamous skeleton's name and calling out to him would be a bad time for everybody. You frantically scanned the crowd, worried that he’d cause a commotion or lose his cool. WHY THE HELL iS HE SO HARD TO SPOT?!

“Dammit.” you cursed under your breath. If he made a wrong move then your boss would’ve not only docked your pay, but these passive protests may develop into riots. Maybe you were just overreacting, but every fiber in your being was begging for Papyrus to stay out of trouble. 

After realizing this scene had continued for far too long now, you turned to your left to see that low and behold, a skeleton you knew only too well stood. 

“Papyrus, what the hell? Why’d you disappear like that…” you trailed off. Oh. Beside Papyrus was a small dog-like monster, they looked to be only a child. The fur near the kid’s eyes was stained and his eyes red and puffy- “Papyrus, what’d you do to this kid?” 

“Like I the Great Papyrus would stoop to the level of hurting a child! I have standards!” He crossed his arms across his chest. Luckily, the two- well, the three of you were far enough from the crowd, not to arouse suspicion. 

“Are you okay? Did the scary skeleton hurt you?” You asked the child, disregarding Papyrus’ words. 

“Hey- did you hear what I just said?” Papyrus cut in. 

The kid shook their head, “no, he didn’t. He didn’t hurt me.” 

“Then what’s wrong,” you asked sweetly, you couldn’t help it, you always had a soft spot for kids. 

“My m...mommy…” he spoke in an inaudible mumble and you could barely make out those two words.

“Could you speak a little louder? I couldn’t hear you.” 

“My mommy… I lost her,” the kid whimpered, “A-and I’m scared.” 

“Here, take a calming breath, it’ll be fine. I can help you-” 

“What does your mother look like?” Papyrus interrupted you. 

“Sh-she’s got a black dress and a black nose but white fur and… and… she’s very pretty,” the kid replied, their voice slightly louder. 

“Very well,” Papyrus outstretched a bony hand, “let us find this mother of yours.” The tiny monster smiled and took Papyrus’ hand with their paw. 

Okay, what? What happened to Papyrus? For a second you stared dumbfounded at the two as they walked off. You blinked ran your fingers through your hair… boy, was this guy confusing. What happened to the whole cold, stone-hearted, and apathetic act? Maybe after all this time, he was getting soft. 

You smiled to yourself. If Papyrus kept this up, maybe your boss promote you! Things would be a little tight since your boss had docked your pay, but a promotion would be a pleasant surprise. Maybe Papyrus really was a nice guy and not an arrogant asshole! Wow, you could get used to this! 

He actually seemed to be enjoying himself, he told the kid stories of his victorious battles and the kid seemed to enjoy them just as much as Papyrus enjoyed telling them. At some point, during “the valiant search for Colly’s mother!” as Papyrus called it, your brother had sent you an email asking where you were. 

You responded with a simple text reading, ‘we’re on our way!’

‘we?’ 

“Mommy!” The kid, Colly, called and you looked up from the cell phone screen. A rather tall woman stood a distance away beside a pay phone (those still existed?), sure enough, she stayed true to her child`s description. She wore a black dress and a pair of black heels, her fur was pure white and brushed neatly, a red bow sat atop her head and in her hands was a matching red bag with black bone pattern spread across it. 

Colly pulled away from Papyrus and jumped into their mother’s arms, grinning ear to ear. 

“Thank you so mu-” the mother began before noticing Papyrs. She stopped herself and you couldn’t help but notice that her smile flattered, “Thank you very much, sir.” She said monotonously. You never really understood the relationship between Papyrus and other monsters. They seemed to fear or respect him. You couldn’t tell if they resented the royal knight or honored him. You couldn’t help but wonder why they acted this way. 

Everything was going fairly okay until Papyrus opened his mouth, “You should keep a better eye on your children, he snapped. “Especially around this time of the day. Your irresponsibility threw your child into danger, and next time someone such as I may not be so kind as to return it to you.” And back to being a total dick. 

She pursed her lips and nodded, “yes, thank you, sir.” 

“Do not thank me, it is merely my duty.” You could tell that Papyrus was going to give his entire ‘I’m an honorable royal knight’ speech, so you rested your hand on Papyrus’ shoulder, reminding him of your presence. 

“Well, good luck and have a nice day then, ma’am,” you said, smiling widely. “We’ll be on our way.”

Papyrus opened his mouth to argue, but only closed it seconds later, “yes… farewell. Have a nice day,” those words sounded painful coming from him and you couldn’t help but cringe slightly. 

“Thank you once again, I appreciate it very much, sir… and human.” And with that, the mother began to walk quickly away with her child in her arms. 

You frowned as you turned, “What the hell?” You muttered, “Can’t you just drop the whole antagonist act for one second?” You casually slid your flip phone into your back pocket. 

“What in the world are you talking about, human?” Papyrus squinted his eyes and began to walk off, taking long strides. You had to lightly jog in order to keep up with him. 

“You know what I’m talking about. You were acting all nice with the kid, telling them stories to keep them calm, you even held their hand. Then all of the sudden when the mother shows up you’re all grumpy, going on about duty and the parent’s irresponsibility. You could’ve just as easily said that it was no problem or that the mother should’ve simply been more careful.” You sighed, “all I’m saying is that the tough act you’re throwing up- I think you should loosen up a little. I don’t really think you’re that bad of a guy. I think half it is an act.” 

You looked up to Papyrus for an answer. There was no response but Papyrus’ pace quickened. Looks like you hit the nail right on the head. 

“I take it that I’m correct,” you said, a smirk dancing upon your lips. 

“No.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: OKAY! SO, I know this chapter's a little shorter compared to most of the other ones, but I just wanted to update. I really wanted to put more into the chapter, but at the same time, I really wanted to update soooo yeah. I ended up creating a poll over the last couple weeks for the name of Y/n's brother and the winning name was, sure enough, Matthew or Matthias (I chose Matthias). Thank you all for your wonderful suggestions, I personally really like the name Matthias though so thanks to the majority and my personal preference, I settled on it. 
> 
> Erm, anyway, I don't want to make this too long, but I do want to say that I will include a LOT more of Y/n's brother in the next chapter, trust me, you guys will love him. 
> 
> Thank you for reading this, I love you guys. Every one of you is so beautiful, handsome, and charming! Have a nice week! <3


	6. HIATUS NOTICE!!!

Hello! Lemning here! I'm the author of a couple of cards! 

Anyways, I know that you were more than likely expecting another chapter and I am sorry to disappoint. Sadly, this story will be going on a brief hiatus for about two weeks (maybe two and a half). As if you couldn't tell from my (mediocre) writing, I'm a highschool student still and education is most definitely a thing I have to worry about at the moment! Long story short, I'm going to be starting up school here soon and my life is going to be a little hectic for a couple of weeks and I'm probably not going to be able to shit out a chapter anytime soon. 

Just figured I'd give you all a heads up! 

Before I wrap this all out though, I want to give a big thanks to everyone for leaving kudos and even reading my story thus far.  I truly appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart. 

I'd also like to say thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this. 

That being said, I hope you all have a beautiful week!

-Lemning


	7. Sorry about this

Hello ladies and gents. 

Once again, I apologize for yet another Author's note/update.  **I ask that you please read this _._**

I don't want to over dramatize anything because that's not what I'm about. I really dislike it when people over dramatize things, so I'll just get to the point here. 

So, recently something happened that's basically going to affect the next few years, and my life currently. Long story short, my dad was fired from his job and financially, things are going to be tight. I'll probably end up working part time later in the future to help support my family, whilst taking care of the house, watching them, and maintaining steady grades. (if you want to know more about this situation feel free email me at  **lemningsnurglez@gmail.com** ). 

Obviously, this pretty much goes without saying, but I'm not going to have the time to write this story (or the will to really). Currently, I'm just trying to maintain a steady level of sanity and not panic too much. I'm not really in the state to write at the moment considering that it takes so much out of me now. 

Like I said, I don't want to over dramatize anything so I'll keep this short. 

I will  _probably_  keep writing this, but I need you to understand that I'm not really in the position to update frequently. I've been thinking about starting a podcast or something along those lines to help me cope with the situation, but that's still up in the air. If there's anyone out there, that for some reason would enjoy listening to a podcast with a few writers then let me know :)

I know this isn't something you would normally post on a fanfiction site, let along a story like this, but I just want to be open right now and share what I'm going through. I hope you can understand. 

thank you for taking time out of your day to read this, even if it was out of the ordinary. 

I really and truly love you for any support you've given me up to this point. 

as always,

-L


	8. acquaintances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boo bitch, I updated.

“I take it that I’m correct,” you said, a smirk dancing upon your lips. 

“No,” Papyrus lied. 

You hummed in response. After knowing him for around three or four months, you could read Papyrus like a book. Whenever he felt nervous his eyes would briefly dart to the ground before his bone brow would furrow and his teeth clench. Although many found him expressionless and stone faced, you could easily distinguish his wide array of emotions. 

“You still didn’t have to be stuck up asshole,” You muttered, just loudly enough for Papyrus to hear. 

“What are you getting at?” He asked through gritted teeth. 

“Nothing, nothing at all,” You responded, taking a leisurely pace. “How each citizen in Ebott sees you is completely up to you. It’s not my problem.” 

“Then tell me, human, why would do you speak of this if you quite obviously couldn’t care less?” he spoke slowly, emphasizing each individual vowel. 

“I just have an opinion,” you smiled, turning your head. “And in my opinion, maybe the whole instilling fear in others thing isn’t necessary.” 

“You know absolutely nothing,  _ human _ , the mere idea of fear is the greatest and utmost means of control and power.” 

“Maybe so, but you’re not in the underground anymore.” 

There was no response. What had you expected? Papyrus was never one to admit defeat. 

Of course, the silence had grown to be a little too long and he spoke once again, “I did not  _ ask _ for you to share your opinion,  _ human _ . Maybe for once you could learn to keep your mouth shut!” 

“Awe~” you cooed in a mocking tone, “My feelings!” 

Papyrus scoffed, “by far, you are  _ the most _ irritating human I have ever met!” 

“But I’m  _ your _ irritating human.” 

“I rest my case.” 

Your lips curled into their signature smirk as you quicken your pace to keep up with Papyrus’ long strides. The atmosphere was filled with a silence you knew all too well and you felt yourself overtaken by it as your mind drifted. 

After giving it a bit of thought, you really weren’t much better than Papyrus with your stubborn attitude. Although you hated to admit it, your ego was fairly large, not quite as large as Papyrus’ but still. On top of your stubbornness and ego, you went out of your way  _ to  _ annoy him not to mention the fact that you were sarcastic as fuck. The more you thought about it actually, the more you realized how big of an asshole you actually were. Sure the guy was rude, sure he was egotistical, that still didn’t give you an excuse to be a prick. 

You glanced toward Papyrus to find his usual glare glued upon his face. You two would be stuck with each other for quite some time, for a whole nother year at least. It wouldn’t hurt to lighten up a little. After all, underneath his ego, violent nature, temper, and general dicketry, he was a generally nice guy. Besides, maybe he needed a friend to open up to. 

As if reading your mind, Papyrus broke silence with a rather loud and deliberate sigh, “you know, you really raise my blood pressure. At this rate, I’ll dust by my early thirties.” 

“Last time I checked, blood pressure was only a human thing.” You responded quickly and instinctively in a snarky manor. 

“You know what I mean.”  

You groaned and as your head rolled back, might as well say it before you changed your mind, “sorry.” 

“What are you sorry for?” 

“I dunno, pissing you off so much?” 

Papyrus scoffed, “don’t apologize.” 

“Look, I don’t care if it’s showing weakness or whatever. I can be weak, I don’t care.” 

“What?!” 

“I said I can be weak, just accept my apology. I’ll try not to piss you off anymore.” 

“ _ I _ don’t care! You should learn  _ not _ to be weak, in the world it’s kill or-” Papyrus began. 

“Kill or be killed, I know. I don’t feel like arguing for hours on end with you, Papyrus, just please accept my apology.” 

“No, I refuse!” he stopped in his tracks and faced you. By then the two of you were outside of Joan’s Deli. 

“I said accept my apology,” your voice rose in volume.

“And I said no! I, the Great and Terrible Papyrus, refuse to accept such from a weakling!” 

“The hell, Papyrus?! I’m sorry okay? Just accept my apology and stop being stubborn, dammit!” 

“No.” 

“Yes.” 

“No.” 

“I’m  _ not _ going to beg. Accept it already.” 

“I  _ SAID, DON’T APOLOGIZE! _ ” Papyrus yelled drawing unwanted attention from a few passersby. 

“God… you don’t have to raise your voice,” you muttered, throwing a few glances towards the humans across the streets. Their faces expressed nothing but pure fear, at first this confused you but then you remembered that not everyone was immune to Papyrus being Papyrus. 

“I wouldn’t have if you would listen to me for ONE SECOND!” 

“No no no,” you shook your head, glaring into his eye sockets, “ _ you _ listen to me! So help me Papyrus, you will accept my goddamn apology or I’ll break your kneecaps.” you hissed, wrapping your fingers around his collar and pulling him to your level as you spoke. 

Papyrus seemed taken aback for a second, staring blankly into your eyes. He then pulled away, dusting off his shirt, “is that a threat officer? Not to mention a threat to harm  _ me _ , the Great and Terrible Papyrus. In addition, it is illegal to threaten bodily harm upon a fellow law abiding citizen.” his frown deepened. 

Well shit. You couldn’t help but recall the conversation the two of you shared in the first chapter, regarding him threatening small children. Were his violent tendencies rubbing off on you?

The skeleton before you sighed deeply, turning and scratching the back of his skull. “Apology accepted,” he said in a voice quieter than you would imagine Papyrus capable of. “BUT! Don’t take this as a means of appeasing you! I’m not afraid of you,  _ human _ .” His voice returned to its normal volume. 

_ What _ ? You stared blankly at the skeleton for a couple seconds, watching as he entered the deli ever so casually. You weren’t complaining, only surprised. You half expected the stubborn skelly to live up to his reputation. You would say that maybe you were making a step in the right direction, but not even a minute ago, you threatened to break his kneecaps. Unless he liked that sort of thing, no, this was not a step in the right direction. It was more of a tip-toe. 

You moved towards the door, following Papyrus. You’d made it halfway through the day with only one argument, that was a change. And then there was dealing with your brother… 

“Y/n!” you heard a soft voice call from the eastern wall of the deli. You turned, immediately recognizing the voice, only to see your brother sat at rectangular table, waving his hands wildly in the air. You couldn’t help but smile as he was quite obviously thrilled to see you. How long had it been since you saw each other? Half a year? Maybe longer? 

You briefly glanced to the skeleton before you only to see him searching the room as if to find the owner your brother’s voice. You shook your head and took his hand,  dragging walking him to the table. 

“Hello, Matti!” you said, taking a seat and pulling Papyrus into the seat beside you. Papyrus briefly flashed a look of confusion and frustration in your direction. 

As expected, the two glanced in each other's direction before turning to you and asking, “who’s this?” You were surprised that Papyrus was asking this due to the fact that you had reminded him about twenty times today that you’d meet your brother, Matthias, and he’d help fix your poor oven. 

“Take a wild guess,” you said to Papyrus before introducing your partner to your younger sibling. Matthias took the opportunity to properly introduce himself to the edgy skeleton as well. 

After the introduction, the three of you made your way to the counter and ordered your sandwiches. You greatly judged Papyrus after he ordered the tuna melt on rye with mushrooms, and green tomatoes with a plain vanilla milkshake (this was irrelevant to this story, but you found this choice of a meal strangely specific and disgusting.) See, you thought this whole acquaintances/friends thing was going to work out but… you weren’t so sure after hearing his… preferences. Who the hell orders a plain vanilla milkshake?! 

To your relief, Papyrus seemed to be getting along well with your brother. This was good, but surprising. Matti was making conversation, and seemed interested by Papyrus’ life underground. Although this would have intrigued you, you’d heard it all. Papyrus, being Papyrus, couldn’t turn down the opportunity to boost his ego a little. 

Everything was going well. That was, until your brother brought up well… 

“So, I might as well just ask…” Matti said after taking a sip of water, “what’s your guys’ relationship?” 

You nearly choked. 

“We’re acquaintances,” Papyrus said and you nodded to clarify, whilst coughing violently. 

“We’re sort of friends,” you added on, receiving a glare from the skeleton beside you. 

“Oh, well that’s good!” Matti chuckled lightheartedly, “I was starting to think that you were the criminal Y/n has been keeping tabs on.” 

You nearly choked again. 

“What?” Papyrus asked, seeming to be genuinely confused. 

“Yeah, I heard this guy’s been on the news a lot lately, I’m surprised you haven’t heard of him.” 

_ don’t mind me, _ you thought,  _ I’m totally not dying over here.  _

“What’s his name?”  _ here we go _ . 

“Papaya? Maybe Russell? I can’t remember the name,” he turned to you, “who was he again, Y/n?” 

You cleared your throat. You figured that you had to get this over with sooner or later, “Papyrus, his name is Papyrus.” 

The two of them fell silent and Papyrus just had to open his mouth, “you know another Papyrus?” You blinked and faced the skeleton to your left, was he kidding? He didn’t look like he was joking… 

“Erm…” Matti however, graduated from primary school and could easily put two and two together.

A solid two minutes passed before the skeleton finally said, “I jest, of course none other could possibly bear a name as great as that of my own.” 

_ Brilliant. _ You noticed that your brother’s smile had curved into a frown over this segment of the conversation. Overall, the worst part of this entire situation had to be the palpable tension and the extremely awkward silence. 

“I must go relieve myself!” Papyrus announced and for a few seconds you genuinely wondered if that was possible for skeletons. Maybe he could just sense the atmosphere. 

“He’s not as bad as I’ve made him out to be over the phone,” you assured Matti, “all the things I’ve said about him have just been me bitching about everything.” 

“Are you sure?” Matti sighed. 

“Absolutely, besides, he’s gotten  _ way _ better over the past few months!” 

 

“My god…” Matti scratched the back of his head, “What happened to your stove?” 

“Erm… it’s a long story. The accident burnt down half my kitchen though, as you can see.”

“Yeah, no shit,” he let himself into your kitchen and looked it over. He opened the oven door only for it to collapse upon his touch. He let out a puff of air before turning to you, “this and the stovetop are fucked.” 

“You can’t fix it?” You asked as he inspected the appliance. 

“I can, but it’d cost more than to replace it,” he scratched the back of his neck. 

See, you were pretty fond of cooking and baking, in fact it was a necessity to you. You didn’t tend to eat out too often (A/N: can’t relate) and you would usually prepare your own meals. Between your love for cooking and the 500 dollars in your bank account, well… let’s just say you weren’t investing in an oven anytime soon. 

You nodded and scratched the back of your neck, muttering, “thanks for that, Paps.” Oh! Remember what you said about being  _ maybe friends _ with Papyrus? Yeah, that probably wouldn’t be happening anytime soon. 

The skeleton rolled his eyes and your brother shot you a confused look. 

“Sorry for bringing you all the way out here, Matti,” You chuckled. 

“No, no, I’d say the trip thus far has been well worth it! Erm- well, aside from your oven… real sorry about that.” 

“It’s fine, really… I’ll probably just eat instant ramen for the next month, no biggie,” you forced a smile and walked over to the ruined appliance. “This old thing was on its way out anyway!” you patted it lightly and it collapsed in on itself. At this point, you felt a small part of you die inside. 

While by now you were deceased and by now, practically cremated (like your oven… too soon?), you brother was making himself at home by exploring your fridge, and Papyrus was playing with your cat, Buzz. If he wasn’t provoking the cat to attack him, you might have found this cute. 

Over the next few hours, you made the best of your brother’s company and watched episode four of EPIC STAR BATTLE. Papyrus was there too for some reason, even though you told him he could go home. When you asked him why he was still there he responded with, “It is not that I wish to remain here. I have absolutely nothing to do elsewhere.” This was 100% believable. That was sarcasm there if you couldn’t tell. 

At some point, Matti received a call from his boss, and apparently he was needed in the shop tomorrow morning. Although his trip was supposed to last a couple days, he had to cut it short. You and Papyrus bid him goodbye, this being one of the few times where it seemed Papyrus was being genuine. Sure your skeleton and brother had got off on the wrong foot, but now they were somehow friends? You didn’t know how this was possible, considering that you’d known Paps for half a year now and he only considered you an acquaintance, maybe frenemy. 

Although your brother had left, the night still continued, as Papyrus had insisted to complete the Epic Star Battle series. 

You both sat on opposite sides of the couch, Buzz in Papyrus’ lap. He would pet the orange striped cat every once in a while, making him look like a cheesy villain mastermind. The two of you would make comments to another occasionally, regarding the movie. And although neither of you realized, you enjoyed each other's company. Dare I even say, a friendship was blossoming? 

You had gotten to episode seven when your eyelids had grown heavy, only to pass out on the couch cushions seconds later. It had been quite the day. 

 

_ R.I.P. Kitchenaid. Press F to pay respects.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello lads and lasses! It's me again, your beloved author. I know, I know, you probably hate me for no updating in what? A month and a half? Well, hopefully you read my past two author's notes and understand at least why I've not been posting! 
> 
> Okay so, you'll notice that this chapter is a bit shorter than the usual (sorry about that). I'm also genuinely worried that this turned out worse than most chapters I've written on here, but I can't really tell if that's just me being hard on myself. I can't really have an unbiased opinion on my own writing because I think that it's shit, so please leave a comment on whether this chapter was better or worse. I've been pretty stressed lately and don't know if that's effecting the quality of my writing. 
> 
> As always, thank you so much! Feedback is very much appreciated. Sorry for this long ass note. 
> 
> Cheers!
> 
> -Lemning
> 
> ALSO WAS JUST ABOUT TO POST THIS (SORRY) BUT I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT CHANGING THE NAME OF THE STORY FROM "A COUPLE OF CARDS" TO "PLAYING WITH FIRE" WOULD THAT BE A GOOD IDEA? YES OR NO?


	9. DISCORD SERVER

Hello ladies and gents! Lemning here! 

Yes, this is yet another author's note. HOWEVER, I am pleased to announce that me and a couple of writer friends have a server! 

There you can talk with me and a few other famous writers on here. Such as my mates Niskaru Fanfictions (author of _Well... Ain't this Awkward_ ), and LostImmorality (author of _the jumper and the skeletons_ , and _the judge, jury and executioner_ ) 

**here's the discrod server link** <https://discord.gg/DtSjr2s> **feel free to stop by, especially if you're a fellow writer!**

On there we can share writing, art, fangirl/boy together, and even ask others to critique your own work! 

Please stop by, I'm very lonely and need validation. (also, if you join, when you introduce yourself, lemme know that you came from my story because most of the people will be their from Nisk's or Kyla's) 


	10. We're going on a trip in out favourite rocket ship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, look mum, Lem posted

_ You grabbed a three foot two by four from the ground beside you, leftover from what seemed to be an old crate. You pulled yourself off of the cold concrete only to experience a sharp pain jolt through your left leg. The sound of a gunshot rung your ears as you stumbled to the ground. _

_ The rest seemed to happen so quickly. _

_ Now you, the reader, may be wondering how you found yourself in such a situation. I mean, this is only the seventh chapter (if you include the bonus episode) and you’ve somehow already gotten yourself into trouble? How did this all happen? Well, like all other days, it began in the morning, prefacing the adventures that await you. _

 

Papyrus had stayed the night. You didn’t know what you expected or why you nearly pissed yourself after seeing him in the hallway, as it was fairly logical to assume that he stayed after you passed out on the couch. It was a human response however, to panic after seeing a 6’3” skeleton in full armour staring at you from the hallway in an unnerving manor.

“What are you doing?” You asked groggily, pushing yourself into a seated position.

He clicked his tongue loudly and turned his head to the side, “there’s a pastry on the table. You have three minutes before I feed it to your cat.”

“What?” You muttered, massaging the bridge of your nose.

“I will not repeat myself!” he announced loudly.

“What are you planning on feeding my cat?” You asked and he simply turned and walked away, which genuinely concerned you. After you rushed to the table out of panic, you found a small paper bag, inside of which was a… blueberry muffin.

“I originally bought that for myself, but realized later that I wasn’t particularly a fan of those… spherical blue fruits,” Papyrus’ face twisted into disgust.

“You mean blueberries?” You asked, taking a bite of the muffin without hesitation.

“Yes-no I mean spherical blue fruits,” you could only assume that Papyrus was feeling extra grumpy today due to his response and general manner of speaking.

“They’re called blueberries though.”

“I know that!” he snapped back quickly, “that’s what I called them!”

“I’m sure,” you humored him. “Thanks for buying me a muffin by the way.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, a small hint of pink creeping its way onto his cheekbones, but you paid that no attention. “I didn’t buy it for  _ you  _ though. I just so happened to have purchased the incorrect item.”

“Certainly.”

“DO YOU DOUBT ME?!”

You checked the clock, “it’s only a quarter past six and you’ve already taken this from zero to a hundred. It’s too early for this, can you turn down your volume a bit?” you turned to the skeleton, “no, I don’t doubt you.”

Of course, this was only banter between the two of you. The morning continued fairly normally, well normal to you at least. You and Papyrus seemed to have a love-hate relationship, and that was perfectly fine with you. It had been that way for quite some time now, and to be honest you weren’t the biggest fan of change. Which was why you weren’t entirely thrilled over Papyrus’ announcement of a ‘business trip.’

“I will be traveling to our neighboring city later today upon his majesty’s recent orders,” Papyrus announced loudly to you. You were about 99% sure that your neighbors could hear every single word that wormed its way through the skeleton’s pointed teeth.

You grabbed a water bottle from the counter before saying, “That’s a first, usually you’d head out without notifying me and I’d spent the next few days going batshit crazy over the possibility of losing my job.” Papyrus rolled his eyes, “What’s this trip for?”

“To collect-” He stopped himself before squinting his eyes, “You nearly tricked me into exposing classified information. I shall be far more cautious next time.”

“Ah… classified. Gotcha,” you nodded and took a sip of water, “So am I going along? Or…”

“There’s a choice?” Papyrus seemed a little take aback.

“Not really, you could wear an ankle monitor though,” You suggested, recalling the last time you tried to attach one to him. Long story short, he wasn’t a fan and destroyed it not even a minute in.

“I’ll allow you to accompany me,” he hissed.

“Geez, someone’s not a morning person,”  you muttered under your breath. He seemed more on edge than usual this morning. Papyrus kinda reminded you of a moody cat at times. Speaking of cats, you wouldn’t be surprised if Papyrus adopted your’s as his own.

You watched as Papyrus set your striped kitten upon his armored shoulder. The fuck? You were not even going to question it. He looked sort of like an evil mastermind with a cat happily perched upon his shoulder- like a pirate or something?

A minute of Papyrus menacingly stroking Buzz’s fur passed, although it felt much longer, and you figured it’d be a good point to ask, “So when are you leaving?”

“SO NOW YOU ASK?” He shouted.

“Oh, pipe down, just answer the question.”

The skeleton sighed dramatically, “eight thirty five- sharp.” His eyes darted to yours as if to make certain that you were listening, “Meaning, you have exactly two hours and fifteen minutes to prepare.”

“Two hours…” You repeated to yourself, “How long’s the trip for? Has your king made lodging arrangements?”

“My business should last only three days,” Papyrus gently placed your cat upon the table, “and yes, our Royal Scientist has made lodging arrangements.” Buzz jumped off the table and began to rub against the skeleton’s legs. You couldn’t help but feel betrayed, as your cat seemed to prefer Papyrus over you.

“Two hours should be enough then.”

You rung your boss to inform him of Papyrus’ plans and you began to pack. You packed a small suitcase with an outfit for each day, each consisting of a freshly ironed white shirt and pair of business pants, along with a dark gray blazer in the case Papyrus would scold you on under-dressing (this had indeed happened once before and you’d rather not argue again). You packed your laptop, your  _ ‘Papyrus 101- aka all the shit Paps has pulled over the past 9 months’ _ notebook, a short story named  _ One Nightstand _ to read, and anything else that you may have needed.

You showered and dressed yourself in a similar outfit to the ones in your suitcase, pulled on a pair of leather shoes, and fastened your holster over your shoulder. Oh- and you grabbed your winter jacket. Winter was on its way and you were prepared. You’d spent the last week stocking up on evergreen and cinnamon scented yankee candles and pumpkin for pies, you were beyond prepared- I could go on, but this is all irrelevant to the chapter.

You quickly messaged one of your coworkers, asking her if she’d be willing to stop by each night to refill buzz’s food and water. Luckily, she was an absolute lifesaver and agreed. You left a note on your fridge for your friend and a spare key underneath the back door mat.

You checked the time on your flip phone before opening your front door and-

“Oh my god, how long have you been standing there?” You jumped back, clutching your chest and nearly tripping over your suitcase. Of course, the tall skeleton was waiting for you right on your doorstep. You swore that you’d have attack at the age of twenty five.

“I was just about to knock,” Papyrus said, obviously taken aback, as he was quieter than usual.

“What timing,” you breathed, recovering from your borderline heart attack.

“What would you expect from a knight of my status? Impeccable timing is merely second nature to someone such as myself!” He stroke a proud pose.

“Right,” you smiled to yourself before stepping outside. You began to lock your front door and said to Papyrus, “So are we headed out?”

The skeleton only nodded, grabbing your suitcase and carrying it to your driveway and soon the trunk of his dark red sports car. You glanced towards Papyrus’ ride. It was a deep burgundy and black convertible with matte black rims, blacked out windows, and a massive (and quite gaudy) sticker on the back that read  _ Coolest Dude _ . You could’ve sworn that sticker was made and sold as a joke, but Papyrus’ reasons for having it on his trunk were very unironic.

You were quite a bit nervous, taking a car meant to draw attention to a foreign city. The humans in Ebott may have had their opinions, but they were tolerant of them, and made certain not to step on one’s bad side. Now, everyone  _ outside _ of Ebott was another story. You’d been outside of Ebott many times, unlike Papyrus, and heard the blatant hatred towards their race. Although this all seemed out of character for you, you were genuinely worried for Papyrus. He was innocent to the real hatred towards his kind. Of course, there were a few outsiders that would cause a ruckus throughout town, but it was nothing like outside the city.

“Human, are you coming?” Papyrus called. You looked down and realized that you stood there, motionless for a good two minutes now.

“Yeah- sorry- just dazed off a bit there.” As much as you hated to admit it, you no longer saw Papyrus as a nuisance to you, but now more as a friend. Of course, he had his moments, but you genuinely cared about him… and you were worried for what he’d hear.

Papyrus had a CD consisting of his favorite music, death metal, alternative rock, and strangely enough, song from Mew Mew Kissy Cutie. When the cartoon’s songs played however, you noticed that his face would flush for a moment before he would quickly switch it to the next song. You would only smile to yourself, as you found that somehow endearing.

“Are you nervous?” You asked Papyrus randomly, about six minutes into the car ride.

“Do you know who you’re talking to?” He asked rhetorically, “Of course not, why would I be?”

“Well…” you sighed, “Ebott’s different than other cities… although it may not seem it, the humans there are far more accepting than others.” Papyrus raised his brow, “I can imagine you- well both of us- won’t be treated as kindly.”

Papyrus changed lanes silently, “so?” His eyelights were fixed on the road ahead, “Do you think that would bother me, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS?”

“Of course not,” you laughed. Luckily, it seemed that Papyrus was out of his bad mood. He was less snappy and seemed genuinely excited about this business trip… which was a bit strange. A couple of times you were tempted to ask him what his business was, but you’d probably figure that out sooner or later.

You decided to try your luck however, when you asked Papyrus, “so, where exactly are we headed?”

“Probably to the hotel, or to explore the city a bit before dinner,” Papyrus said simply and you were somewhat taken aback. Papyrus certainly wasn’t the ‘exploring’ type

“What about the meeting?” You asked.

“It will be early tomorrow morning from six to eight.”

“Oh…” you trailed off. “So why did we have to leave so early today?”

“Because,” he replied instantly, “reasons.”

You nodded and your eyes shifted to the road ahead. You weren’t getting much else out of Papyrus in regards to this, you knew from experience that he was quite stubborn. So, while Papyrus’ music played and he made his way through traffic, you turned to the book in your lap and continued reading to pass the time.

Soon, a good fifteen minutes passed and Papyrus yelled, “SON OF A BITCH!” startling you a little, your eyes quickly flashing to the road.

“What? What happened?” You asked the skeleton beside you quickly, hoping to fix this before anything got out of hand.

“He cut me off,” Papyrus grumbled, glaring at the car ahead of us and practically staring daggers through their back windows.

Your eyes flickered from Papyrus to the car and back again and you found his unflattering focus rather… strange- “Papyrus, don’t even think about it.”

“Think about what?!” he growled.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“But he-”

“No buts, he’s a  _ human _ you can’t go around bombarding cars with magical bones of yours.”

“In the underground-” he stopped himself. “okay okay.”

“You alright?”

He sighed heavily and forced a smile upon his face, “Yes.” It looked painful, but at least he was trying. A couple months ago, he wouldn’t give attacking a human a second thought.

“Thank you, Papyrus.”

You missed the small traces of pink dusting his cheekbones as his forced smile morphed into a genuine one.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, not gonna lie, this chapter was a bit shit, but I just kinda wanted to put something out (I mean, it's been like 3 months now) I know, I know, it's not that long and I still kinda left you on a cliffhanger right at the beginning. Everything will be explained in the next chapter that'll hopefully come out here soon.
> 
> I know that most of you probably don't even read the author's notes here, but I just kinda want to throw these at the end so we're on the same page. Now, I've explained this to a few people down in the comments, but I know that probably 80% of you lot don't read them so I'll say it here too: I'm still finishing up my semester, I'm in year 10 so it's not necessarily that difficult, but (if you couldn't tell) I've got procrastination tenancies. I'm not going to be updating consistently due to my workload so please bear with me to the end of the month x
> 
> Now, one last thing before I go, my dad got a job so that's fucking amazing, also please join my discord server. I'm very lonely and you have no idea how much it brightens my day when (if) someone would stop by, say hi, and let me know that they read (and maybe even enjoy my writing)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading through this, I know it sounds like a madman's ramblings but, I try my best.
> 
> -Lem
> 
>  
> 
> (ps don't know if the formatting is fucked because im exporting this from my phone. I simply cannot be asked anymore)


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